


2nd place

by 117_felix_tofu



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/117_felix_tofu/pseuds/117_felix_tofu
Summary: just me word vomiting smile and scroll





	2nd place

2nd place

I know how it feels to get second place. It’s not bad, but it could be better. Always hearing “room for improvement”. It’s a minute of satisfaction and hours of doubt. It’s knowing you’re good, but there’s just one person who’s that much better. It’s a sick middle ground that I've grown to hate. 

I can’t always be first, I know. I used to be first. I got a little too used to the compliments that I would kill for now. Now I get tight smiles that say “you did good, but we know you could’ve done better. You used to be better.” Did I regress? When did my habits get so bad? Is it normal to doubt this much? Maybe I’m too cocky, that’s why I’m failing. If I didn’t overestimate I would do better. 

In fourth grade, I thought I was Sofie’s best friend. At the end of fifth, she told me she wasn't going to leave me. We were going to stick together. But I guess the glue that held us together got old, because it’s peeling now. And I don’t think I can change it.

I guess I should have expected new friends to come into our circle, but I still got jealous. I think I hid it well, even when she told me Annie had invited her to a sleepover but not me. I think I hid it well when she liked Nadia's gift better than mine. I think I hid it well when she started sitting with Michelle more than she sat with me. But now I have no choice but to speculate. What if I gave her a better gift? If I was a little more talented. A little smarter. Prettier. More funny. Would I be her number 1 then? Would I be anyone’s?

I lost my spot as best friend a while ago, but the sadness is coming in waves now. Sometimes I think about how life would be if she texted me first or ranted to me. If she sent good morning texts or just responded fast. I try not to think I’ve been replaced, but it’s hard. She just likes everyone else better, and it’s fine. I’ll have to accept it. I don’t blame her, they are all better than I am. But that doesn’t make our dry conversations or looking through old photos from when we were closer any easier. 

Can I be anyone’s first choice? Can they look past my ugliness and still be happy with what they find? Am I capable of being loved that much? Am I ready to accept that much attention? Maybe I don’t deserve it. If I changed, would I be her number 1 again? Or did I lose that trophy forever already.


End file.
